Friday, August 26, 2011

On modesty...Really???

Okay, just to get this started...
A friend of mine recently sent a group of friends this link...
A letter to girls I know on modesty

Normally I don't respond to this type of thing, but this one was just too good to let go...

apparently others felt the same way...

Letter to The Men I Know (A Parody of an Epically Stupid Letter)

There are two kinds of girls: Godly girls, worldy girls, and girls that climb on rocks. Which one do YOU marry, that is. (Geez, get your minds outta the gutter.) I'm betting most of you said "a godly girl", because, of course, that is the right answer and anything else would be carnal. Or something. Someday, you want to marry a woman who loves god with every fiber and muscle and brain cell because she will be an excellent helpmeat and arrow-maker (that's babies, for you worldly people reading this). She will obey and submit to and make dozens of godly arrows only for you. Most men want a godly woman/helpmeat, or at least think they do. (Maybe. Until their quivers explode and then...they might rethink that. What I wanna know is, can godly girls pole-dance? Because that might be the deal-breaker right there.) Well, I know exactly how to read your mind and tell you exactly what kind of girl you will exactly get. I don't even have to know you because I'm a mind-reader and psychic and all that jazz. (But in a godly way because psychics are satan-worshippers.) All I have to do is look at you. The kind of girl you want or will get  is advertised by the clothing you wear (or don't wear). I know what girls want. Trust me, I'm a girl. I know more girls than you do and I know them better (but not in *that* way. Honest. Cuz I'm a girl. Um, moving on.....) I know what we think, talk about, want, and look for and even though I just said that I know it all because we're all girls, every one of us is actually different so it would be impossible for me to actually know what every girl wants and thinks. But I'm, like, 89% percent sure anyway. I'm sure you know this, but women were created differently than men. We have different desires, we smell better, we dress better, we don't start wars and bump chests and do stupid things to impress men like riding our dirt bikes off of cliffs into lakes and stuff which really isn't all that impressive to a girl, now that I think about it. It's just dumb. But I digress. Our eyes and minds work differently than yours. Well, OK, not really, but that's what people say so I'm sitcking with it. 

A wordly girl doesn't control herself, rather, we...SHE!....looks at anything that attracts her attention or gets her excited like guys with ripped abs and pecs and Daniel Craig in a cowboy hat. And gun belt. And that dude from "Leaverage" that has pretty hair and likes to beat people up. She has no problem with guys that show off skin or hair or pecs or cute butts, like dudes in Wranglers and boxers (which apparently is cross-dressing since women like them now too) and nice hair and gorgeous eyes and those "cute" disgressed again. Anyhow, I think you get the point. They are the women in your church and youth group who aren't there for the worship at all, but to ogle the woship leader who wears a V-neck and skinny jeans. If you married a girl like this, she might be able to pole-dance, but your life will be hell. She won't leave you alone or keep her hands off you and the baggage, Oh! the baggage! She might even cheat on you. Yeah. Because all you wanted was a submissive little helpmeat and arrow-maker and she's so worldy, she just wants to tear your clothes off. Stay away from this woman. Stay faaaaar away. 

A godly girl is in control of her desires and drives. She probably doesn't even have them. Because good women don't, ya know. She constantly seeks god and reads her bible and walks in the spirit and acts like a nun. You will know her godliness by her bright eyes that never stop bouncing. When Daniel Craig walks by in nothing but a gun belt, or she sees an immodestly dressed guy on a magazine, the godly girl quickly bounces her eyes away and recites Titus 2. She's constantly guarding her mind to keep from thinking about any man ever. And especially not Daniel Craig. She sees men as people with brains and not just a body, in spite of the fact that she can't actually look at one cause her eyes won't stop this annoying bouncing thing. If you marry this girl, you will have a clean house, perfect sandwiches, and a full quiver. (Well, you'll only get the full quiver if she can stop her eyes from bouncing long enough to actually look at you.)

Unfortunately, there are now more worldly girls than godly girls (which explains why the godly girls are a dying breed. Wow, it's all so clear now.) So what can YOU do to attract a godly girl? It's all about how you dress. The clothes you wear advertise what kind of girl you are looking for. Dress like a monk or a Bible character or IFB preacher and you'll be safe. You'll scare every worldly girl for miles around and the godly girls will come flocking to be your helpmeat. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday. Tight tee shirts that show your biceps and jeans that fit just right? Asking for trouble, brother! It's like fishing with a lure that says "Here, worldly girl, come and get me!" all over it. You'll get what you ask for. And I'm not talking about fish.

The way you dress effects all the girls and the guys around you and their relationships, their parents' relationships, their grandparents, their 2nd cousins....I think you get the point. You don't see the stuggles and pain and tears you cause by looking good in them jeans and working out and stuff, but I can promise you you'd be shocked if you did! (And maybe a little more cocky.) Ask any christian girl; we've all seen it. You try to hide it, but it's still there. (What, you ask? Well, *it*, duh.) By looking hot and sexy and having nice hair, you spit on every girl whose eyes are bouncing, toying with us and *liking* it!!! For shame!!!! You'll never know how many relationships you've devestated and lifestyles of sin that you've caused because you won't cover up those pecs and abs and butt! (But I'm not objectifying you, really. It just sounds like it. I really do see more than your body parts. Honest.) Because some poor, helpless girl who's trying to be godly and have bright, bouncing eyes just couldn't help herself! So don't just help your future, non-existent, not-very-likely relationships, help all women and all men everywhere and cover that cute butt!!! Rock those robes!  

Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, yada yada yada why can't you just buck up and be ugly for Jesus? Huh? Because that's what godly men do. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make in looking freakish in your dress, we girls are making even MORE sacrifices that are just as hard and probably harder. Like, quit your whining already. My life isn't easy either, OK? I have to keep my eyes bouncing and pretend that reading my bible is more interesting than your cute smile and gorgeous eyes. Girls will respect you for your choice! A real guy is careful of the image he presents and real girls want real guys real bad.

And you can forget everything I just said about how you dress, because it doesn't actually matter. We girls can see a hot guy's body no matter what he wears. You could dress like a monk and we still know. It's a gift. 

And so the question still remains: What kind of girl do you want? Answer me with your clothes. Or not. 

a not-so-anonymous woman who just wants to help by telling everyone what to do and blaming all my problems on everyone else. Especially men.

My thanks DS for letting me post this, look forward to more of your input here...

Of course I must jump in as well....While DS responded from the ladies perspective, I thought I would put this "guy talk" into plain english...

Between the Lines
A Letter to the Girls I Know:
Dear Girls, 

There are two kinds of men: Me, and all the guys you think are hot...

What kind of man do you want? I'm betting you want me, even thought you don't think you do. Someday you want to marry an man who loves God with every fiber of his being because I will be an excellent husband and father. I will honor and be true only to you . Most women want me, or at least I think they do.
Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of man you want (ME) and how to get him...

I don't even have to know you...but I will(snark)...
The kind of guy you want is advertised by the clothes you wear. I know you want me, and I know what I want, after all I'm a guy. I know me better than anyone else. I know what I think, what I talk about, what I want...(not to mention what you want), and what I look for...and this is all because of the higher standard that I live by. I'm sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. I have different desires and priorities. My eyes and mind react very differently to everything than yours do. It isn't disgusting, perverted, or wrong, it just is (unless you are the reason my eyes and mind react) It is wonderful and good!(as long as it doesn't happen until I am dead...or maybe married to you) It is how God made me...Its how you handle these differences that separates me from all the guys you think are hot.

The guys you think are hot can't control themselves, rather, they look at anything and everything and get a hardon...Not Me! (except when you are in “that” outfit...). Those guys enjoy when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and cute “little” swimsuits. They like tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form...Oh yes they do. Those guys spend more time on soulless entertainment than I do, not being offended by sexual content,nudity or porn. They're Christian, they go to your church and youth group. They're “nice boys”, but they just want to bone you. If you were to marry one of the guys you think are so hot, you would constantly worry about WHY he is so damn good in bed...why he wants you to wear lacey lingerie, and if he is boning someone else because obviously he's done it before.

I, however, am in control of my drives and desires(as long as I can't see your tits, or your ankles for that matter). I constantly seek God and read my Bible. I “walk in the Spirit” and don't get hard...ever. When you walk by in your skin tight, low cut high heeled shoes, I almost c....(oh shit, wheres the backspace...)...I look elsewhere, so that my pants(ehhrm,) mind is not defiled by your rebellion against God. I refuse to look at Sports Illustrated and JC Penny's Catalogs are anathema to me. I constantly guard my thoughts and hate being around you when you completely disregard the fact that how you dress makes my penis call me a liar...
I don't watch much TV and am very selective about the movies I watch(I don't want other people to know that I am normal) I see you as a person, I know you and respect you...(the quickest way to get my ring on your finger, and then you in my bed... hehehehe) I alone have your best interests at heart, and never think ANYTHING inappropriate about you...honest! If you were to marry me, I would give you the emotional attention you need(ie pay the bills), I would ignore other women(as long as they are never around me) and remain faithful to you no matter what( well....)

Unfortunately, there are a lot more guys out there that you think are hotter than me...and to make matters worse, those guys could look like me...So how do you know if you are attracting them or me, when I know you want me? A very important way lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, your clothes advertise whether you want them or me(and I know you want me, even if you don't know that) If you dress immodestly, I will look down on you(the best way to get my cum on your....oh shit, did it again)(backspace??? did somebody hide the backspace???)oh yeah, you will scare me away...It all comes down to knowing you want to marry ME. You cannot afford to be complicit here, someday you will pay...

This issue isn't limited strictly to you and our relationship. The way you dress directly affects how other people look at ME. You don't see the rumors, backbiting and headwagging directed at me because of you. But I can promise you that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any married man, they've all experienced it. We hide our tears, but they are there. By dressing immodestly, you effectively spit on the image that I have worked so hard to cultivate, creating appearances of holiness so that others will sit at my feet and listen to my words...
You will never know how many ministry opportunities your jeans and short skirts have cost me, not to mention the people that have been driven away from our Lord by the length of your hair and your makeup. You want to marry me someday? Well start doing as I tell you now.
Of course I understand the desire to look stylish and attractive, even your need to look “cute”. It's important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done with modesty and integrity. I know that you are worried about the way those jumpers look, but remember, your sacrifice keeps me from getting hard....but remember, my sacrifice for you is just as difficult, I am sacrificing my hardon for God. I will be able to control you so much better later if you will just wear what I want you to wear now...A real lady is conscientious of the image that she creates of her husband, and I want a real lady. And you can forget about me missing out on how attractive you are by what you wear, cause, honestly, you're going to be a blimp(oh shit)....pregnant for nine months out of every year we are married anyway, and I will be too busy ministering to “those other girls” to even look at you.

And so the question remains: do you see now how much you want me? Answer me with your clothes


  1. That's kind of rude, don't you think? I mean even if you don't agree with the letter (and that is your right), there's no need to be so in-your-face rude. That kind of attitude causes folks to dismiss what you think.

  2. I didn't dismiss it!!! I thought it was right-on satire!

    LOVED it!

  3. I think I'll link it all to my own blog.